I've been quiet over the past few months, and it's been necessary in ways and total stuck-ness in other ways, but now is the time for me to join you again and to share my revelations...
This kind of work I’ve signed up for isn’t a consistent business or content creation model. It’s totally wacky, but it is beautiful. Just requires soooo much patience and trust.
After a five year journey of self-discovery and rapid awakening, things are becoming very clear. There is work for us women to do here. There are spaces deep in the unknown within our cells, our bones, our blood and our hearts, that must be experienced now.
We perceive that we live in a time of immense pressure, social anxiety, overwhelm, and frankly - darkness.
Children have been diagnosed with anxiety
Teenagers have been taking medications to numb their pain since they were children
Women and men are choosing to take their lives instead of stepping into life
The world is angry and violent
It's pretty disturbing, right?
No wonder we are struggling as a society and in our groups, to get along, be humble, generous and loving. No wonder we're so confused with our political landscape, the sheer terror of what the world is ‘looking’ like. We're constantly bombarded with rubbish to keep us from ourselves. Our perspective of the goodness available to us is so skewed, many are losing hope. All to keep us from the truths that lie deep inside our own energy, emotional and physical bodies.
I’ve personally had enough.
I’ve spent the past years in deep processing, healing and clearing across every level of who I am. I don't really know why I decided to get so 'deep', it didn't really feel like I had an alternative. It's only afterwards, years later, that things begin to make perfect, messy sense...
It has electrified me, pulled me apart, put me back together, and then ripped me to shreds again. I have fire in my belly with this right now, because I’m realising more than ever that everything we do matters, every thought or belief matters, and I’m having to pick up the pieces of all of my crap, while also seeing the deeply held beliefs from conditioned thinking, societal constructs, generational programming and dense ideas about the female and male roles. Wow, somehow we have gotten ourselves into a total mess and the process of disentanglement is CHALLENGING to say the least!
Yet in amongst the intense challenge, I continue to experience such incredible joy, gratitude and freedom that is hard to put into words. It's such a personal feeling, like blossoming from the inside, out. Liberation. Every time an illusion gets brought to the light and freed, I am lighter. Every time an emotion that’s been stuck is freed, I am lighter. Every time I choose to change something that I’ve spent weeks or months resisting, I am lighter.
When I'm lighter, I'm more myself. When I'm more myself, I am free to express. When I'm free to express, I can serve from an overflowing cup. I'm abundant and life 'flows'.
What has come from my personal journey is a deep experiential understanding of the full spectrum of LIFE. The richness of travelling into the shadowy underbelly of who I think I am, and the most epic shimmery radiance that my light body holds - the space of wild inspiration, possibility and passion.
I’ve always been curious about what was happening inside me, I’ve been so curious about my thoughts, my dreams and the human experience. I thought I was going mad (and sometimes still do) because the visibility into my psyche has been so extreme. I guess you could call it intense over-analysing, yet now I see the gift in this, and the way my intuition works is rooted in being able to decipher and understand the unconscious unknown.
When I was a little girl I had recurring dreams that I lost my voice and couldn’t save myself from scary men chasing me. I had recurring dreams of women and children in pain screaming and screeching, the noise so loud I would wake up crying and would jump in bed with my brother or sister just to make it stop. I dreamt of the wildest things. Aliens visiting me, spirits in my room, the front door of my home being wide open in the middle of the night for all kinds of creatures to enter, and me totally paralysed in an awake/sleep state, not able to yell for help. It’s only now, at 30, I realise how terrified I was most nights when I went to bed because I didn’t know how to trust in what I couldn’t scientifically understand or see, probably from what I was taught in school. I was afraid of the dark.
I now see the connections here in the dark unknown. I now see the brilliant light that has embedded itself in my body to be shared with the world. I now see that I’m deeply sensitive to my environment, my communities, my friends and anyone I associate with. That’s my ultimate strength now. My intuition firing.
I’m learning the importance of totally dissolving the victim within - the little child in me that is frustrated with not getting her own way. The one that thinks that life is supposed to be presented to her on a silver platter. That there must be some kind of mistake because life just doesn’t feel ‘easy’ for me all the time. The one that wants to blame others for what happened to her, or what someone did to her, or took from her.
Life isn't easy, and it's especially not easy if we pretend we are not the one creating it.
What I’m certain of, is you are creating your reality in every. single. moment - from a soul evolutionary level.
When this first lands, it takes a while to pick yourself back up, because you realise you have to own your ‘mistakes’, your karmic clearings kick in, and you must see that everything is a mirror of YOU, a projection of your creation so you can heal whatever is happening inside of you that keeps you from knowing the love that you are - your wholeness.
You (and I) are being called into radical self-honesty, radical self-respect, self-ownership, accountability and personal integrity.
You are also being called into receiving love, abundance, vitality and freedom.
These are two sides of the same coin.
That is, to own all of your shit AND all of your light.
Have you been feeling like you get pulled down, or pushed back every time you gain some momentum? Have you been feeling like something just isn’t right in your experiences in relationships, at work, creatively or just as you walk down the street?
How close to your own truth are you, really?
Do you know what you really need in your life vs what you want?
Are you ready to start paying attention to what is really going on inside of you?
These are all questions I've really had to sit with over the last few weeks and months. To really ponder the truth.
How effective are the medications, drugs, alcohol or tv at masking your pain? Is it working or has it gotten so intense that nothing seems to work anymore?
When is going to be the right time for you to show up in full integrity for YOUR-SELF?
What I’m learning is pure integrity is honouring your own personal truth at the deepest soul level, moment to moment (i.e. presence) AND forgiving yourself when it doesn’t go to ‘plan’ and when you feel the messy humanness of your experience leaving you. To instantly own your shit when it happens and then let it go.
(I say all of this with so much compassion, because I'm experiencing this too, and I share it so we can get closer and support each other more genuinely).
When we make the choice or realise we have no other option but to be guided by our own inner compass, it takes you to your knees and it feels like going backwards. It’s like we think that once we declare it and say it out loud that it is done (and it is, if we stay totally in the present moment), but on this earthly plane it can look like intense emotions arising, old memories flashing, skin crawling, fire in the belly and combustions in the heart and out through the arms. It can look like migraines, and sore throats and flus and sciatica. It can look like incessant partying, dramatic events, fights with friends and car accidents.
I’ve experienced this cycle countless times now and I know what is happening, I am with you. It’s all grace. All sacred.
You are becoming who you were always meant to be, even if you haven’t done any proactive healing, self-development or personal growth work, your healing is inevitable and it’s the unique medicine for your personal soul evolution. Therefore, everything is on track. Perfect in fact.
We can make things feel a lot less intense if we TOTALLY surrender to what is happening internally, and externally. TOTALLY getting on board with your own experience in every moment. Owning the experience but not getting confused with who YOU actually are.
You are your deepest truth, your essential energy and soul. You are the one that is observing and experiencing the emotion, limited and crippling thought forms and erratic energy. You are not that emotion, or limitation or dark energy as it leaves you. You are pure Truth. Gold. Diamonds.
Please start to understand that YOU are magic.
YOU are breathtakingly beautiful.
YOU have hidden keys inside of you, that must be expressed in some way.
Stop hiding behind your emotions.
Ride them like a wave.
Even a young girl is strong enough to do this (and I mean 8 years old, I am blessed to experience this with my young clients). I’m convinced that young people have messages and transmissions of energy for us adults that must be heard. I’m so passionate about unlocking these and guiding young girls to realise their imagination is the answer for all of us - their intuitive guidance speaks loudly if you take the time to listen to them. Let's trust in this medicine and create spaces where young girls (and boys) feel safe to experiment with feeling what they feel and sharing that insight with others.
I'm coming out of an extremely intense round of personal healing (you can read more about this in my blog (‘honouring my heart, removing my breast implants’) and I’m now ready to be completely guided by my essential self and truth. All other options have been exhausted. All of them! Yep, every last one! Who is with me? Who is feeling like they have exhausted every option and this is all that is left? Radical personal integrity?
If this is you, congratulations. Your soul has guided you to the fastest possible track to bring you to yourself here and now. Welcome and thank you. I need friends in this space!
If you would like to collaborate and do the inner work together, with me as your guide, visit my website to book in your program.