I'm not a victim, I'm POWERFUL.
The past few months have been really different for me, it’s the first time in my adult life I have truly eased right off. Eased off the to do list, the social media and phone obligations, the ‘showing up’ as I normally had. I desperately needed to retreat, because I realised that I was in deep pain. I felt very low and trapped under my life obligations, personal expectations, sensitivity to my environment and the collective pain of the world. I felt that I was going through huge shifts and changes that required me to create more space for transformation - so that’s what I did. I was being called to really look at the deepest, darkest parts of me, and rather than pushing through with a brave face, I needed to go there, sit with it and let it burn up and dissolve. I needed to outwardly do nothing, while doing a whole lot inwardly. All at the time the world seemed like it was really losing the plot....
What I've observed is that as the world turns it up in its separation, I'm guided to go deeper within myself. Going ‘within ‘ may sound pretty esoteric, but I don’t know a person these days that can’t see the benefit in acknowledging they have not only a physical body - but a mind, a heart, emotions, a soul and even a spirit! What I’ve learnt is that all of these parts of us need equal attention. They need to be embraced.
This year has been the most intense, but rewarding year of my life. Last year I left my corporate marketing career in IT to begin my path in health and wellness as a yoga teacher (part one of my souls guidance and kick up the butt). Now, my path is moving to working within the more subtle and complex layers of the whole being, with tools like kinesiology (I am becoming an Energy and Soul Medicine Practitioner = EPIC) integrated with essential oils, to bring others even closer to experiencing inner freedom, to become more ALIVE from the inside out (part 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 of soul guidance and kicks up the butt). My ‘why’ for doing this continues to morph but still remains the same at its core, from the very first blog post I created - my souls grandest vision is one of soul evolution, that's what I believe we're all here for. To experience it all, especially and including being an amazing HUMAN. When I look more deeply, my desire is to BE radiantly ALIVE as pure JOY. I wanna have fun! I wanna glow from the inside, and I wanna share my endless passion, creativity and love with the world. I want to live life fully and unapologetically - and serve others from this place.
I believe we are innate passionate beings, here to share our unique message with the world. We just forgot how to do this from the seat of consciousness that is loving, kind, compassionate and accepting. I know its possible to deliver any message from the seat of compassion and kindness and when I see the sheer hate being produced and consumed in waves, especially in the online world, I gotta say, my heart breaks.
BUT, it has woken me up to a new fire and level of accountability within me, that it really is not going to serve anyone if I sit on the outskirts of topics that feel uncomfortable.
I love Brene Browns' recent advice on how we can really own our stories and privilege in the world. I think thats brilliant, and if we all owned our ‘shit’, wow - the world would look very different. I also understand that not everyone resonates with a level of self responsibility that guides us to living life as our fully expressed human selves, that might feel way out there (and perhaps unattainable). I know for myself, sometimes it feels easier to play victim than to play the creator or change maker. However what I’ve learnt is this can make it really tricky to take soul filled, connected, inspired and meaningful action as a victim. I much prefer to accept that I am powerful, and roll with that, rather than to succumb to the easier option to give my power away and repeat the vicious cycle of acting as if our unhappiness has been bestowed upon us from another and nothing to do with our own actions and choices. Sometimes I wonder if we are addicted to this victim like perspective as a human race?
I've acquired a number of tools since that first blog post and prior, that help me to own my own ‘stuff’ and cleanse away the old useless rubbish that wants to drag itself behind me like a ball and chain. Tools like yoga, meditation, pure essential oils, writing, reading, listening to podcasts, kinesiology, energy and soul medicine, emotional embodiment, sacred dance, personal coaching, group work, conscious business creation, personal development work, authentic network marketing and more. Its just what I do, I love becoming more of me, of who I really am, and I take responsibility for that. When I really break down why I do all of this, it’s all about learning to trust my own voice - and act on it in every moment. Learning to live my own legacy.
So, how do we move through 'victimhood' and into a new level of empowerment when the world seems to be totally consumed by pain?
I can only offer what I do…
I sit with it. I literally sit in a comfortable seat or lie down and feel it all. I acknowledge where I'm hiding from myself and others, my superficial emotions that might be taking over. My anger, frustration and sadness. I sit with it and open to it. I allow my body to experience its pain (except when I don’t of course, #human). Sometimes, I perceive that its too painful. Sometimes the memories that are recalled I'm not ready to ‘deal with’, but when I am - shit changes! I release blocks that have been stuck within me since I was 2, 3, 7 years old. I release multiple past life memories and experiences, I clear stories and programs I've been holding onto that have limited my life experience in HUGE ways. I own what is there, and feeeeeel it.
Then, I let it go again, and again, and again.
This isn’t all I do. I use tools, ways, resources, to go deeper again. What I’ve realised lately, is my unique set of methods and ways of coming closer to who I really am, is completely unique to me. My observation of my own learning and experience, is that as long as I stay true to that deepest connection and truth within myself - whether its my soul, my heart or spirit, the necessary tools and epic people will enter my world to support me on my way. It’s like picking up bread crumbs along a trail to the most beautiful, next-level existence you can imagine. The further I dare to take my gaze, the more I experience and receive.
The deepest pain I have been in, is not anything I can't handle. My life has looked really different, thats for sure. I've spent the last month mostly in my own company, learning about myself, learning what is there at my very core, learning what my most original perspective is in each moment. I’m sure those closest to me may have the thought that I’m losing it, dwelling, cutting myself off from the world - and that is totally ok. It looks different, and I get that. What’s important is I know it's worth it - to learn, listen and move through to new possibilities and originality. I know that when I clear my stuff, I clear stuff within our collective. I take it very, very seriously, and I now have over 12 months of proof that this way of living produces accelerated and desirable outcomes for myself and those around me (and that’s been really important for someone like me, who has spent the first 28 years of life pretty stuck up in my head!).
This is what I signed up for, when I chose to honour my truest soul purpose, and the universe has certainly delivered the lessons and experiences with my declaration. Wow.
So, if you get really quiet and listen, you will connect with what you truly think and feel. Perhaps not straight away, but eventually.
Not your reactive thought, not the thought of what your mum thinks, not the thought of what your partner thinks. What is your original, heart-felt, deeeeeeeep truth in this moment? What are you ready to own in this collective pain we are experiencing? What are you ready to create and become?
Here's what's true for me in this moment:
- I am deeply affected by the hate I see in the world - I am sensitive to it, and I am acknowledging it most days
- I feel overly responsible for the pain in the world, yet have felt paralysed in how to best contribute. I’m working on this.
- I realise I've been afraid that I'm ignorant to world issues, I’ve avoided politics like the plague and have avoided the conversation online out of fear of contributing to the noise and losing myself in the mess - working on this (action - this post)
- I realise how f*cking privileged I am in this world. I have every single possibility at my finger tips as a white, single, straight, and ‘pleasing to the eye’ female growing up in Australia; AND
- I am worthy of every experience I have created that has filled my life, because I have invested the time, money and energy in it being the case. Meaning, I have not expected anything to be laid out for me and I refuse to play the victim (except, when I don’t! #human)
- Like everyone I personally know, what we are witnessing from hate groups like white supremacists and neo-nazi's is beyond disgraceful, it is evil - and I’m grateful my eyes have been opened to this hellish darkness on earth, to be dissolved by the loving collective and brought into the light (yes, the light)
- I had no idea there was a phenomenon forming around ‘The Female Lifestyle Brand’ - I am taking this stuff seriously as I build my business and personal brand; AND
- I am unapologetically me, and I have white skin. I choose to be sovereign (i.e. filled with personal power), and not disempowered or shamed (except when I don’t #human)
- I find family one of the most challenging groups to voice my compassionate opinion, I'm working on this; AND
- I am beyond grateful for my family, because I’ve been taught to embrace everyone as equal, and to welcome any safe human into my home and space to be loved, acknowledged and supported that’s why this inequality rubbish doesn’t make sense to me - this is my lens of how I view life)
- I deeply desire the outcome for every sexuality to be embraced, acknowledged and accepted as love - and to get this marriage equality show on the road!; AND
- I dont agree that throwing more hate, judgement, shame and anger around is the answer - we’ve already illuminated the fundamental issue of fear filled separation, I believe it’s time to let go of the addiction to the shadow and darkness and move through to the next phase…. Unified Connection
I desire to see more honesty, and owning of ones shit happening instead - when we own it, I know we can dissolve it
My hope with this post is to share my vulnerable, but real, perspective on where we are right now in the world, and how we might begin to move through it.
Its one of my imperfect action steps in owning my own stuff, and sharing something that might inspire you to take your next most aligned action step in making the change you want to see.
Peace and LOVE x