One year since my soul declaration
I feel this overwhelming sense of being in my alignment on this Full Moon morning. About a year ago I wrote this piece on my souls grandest vision and declaration - to contribute to the evolution of our souls. To bring more love, abundance, trust and inner knowing to my self and those around me. At the time I wrote this, my house had sold and I was in the process of leaving my corporate job. I had committed to my next level of yoga teacher training and was also working within Mel Sandon's Soul Leader School community to understand how to commune with my soul, what my soul is here to do and how she could guide me deeper into my truth.
As the end of the year rolled in, I was packing up my house and moving back in with mum. I remember the day I moved, I felt so proud and grateful of myself, I felt so courageous and knew deep within me I was doing the right thing. I felt free, even though I no longer had ownership of the cool, hip converted warehouse apartment or the super high income. I had free’d myself from the need to have things that society deemed as an important status check. I looked like I was ahead in life, at 28, with a house and a good job that paid me over 150K a year - until I gave it all up. I realised in that moment, with the contents of my house all packed, that I had allowed my soul to lead and not the confines of what I perceived others thought was good and right. I was inspired.
Then I moved back in with mum in Bondi, and felt like I was in heaven. Living in Bondi was like a dream, the ocean, the food, the sunshine. It felt good. I was having fun creating my reality, and by February I had advanced to my first business milestone in my DoTerra business - which felt great. I was so grateful to everyone that supported me, that small goal, that provided 1/20th of the income I was on, felt so fulfilling. A special moment. I was teaching yoga at the time, I was finding my voice and my flow.
By then Soul Leader School had finished, and a new offering was knocking on my door. Mel Sandon had announced a new paradigm of whole body healing that she named Energy and Soul Medicine. It was a practitioners certification course lasting 11 months. I thought to myself, thats a big investment, and Im not a healer. I denied my healing capacity for months, it was all happening so fast. A year prior to writing this blog (in 2015), an incredible healer came into my life, Ryan Whitewolf. He had arrived from overseas and was singing in my regular Friday night yoga class with Persia Juliet. He cracked my heart, and I knew I needed to connect with him after class. The very next morning I was receiving one of the most profound, transformational experiences of healing in this life. I gained access to so much more of who I was, the light that was within me and the gifts that I have to share. It was a next level healing from an amazing man. Afterwards, I flew to India for work, and experienced such a deep initiation that looked like an intense purging. I was so sick and lost my voice, but I had gained so much - here is when I read BIG MAGIC by Liz Gilbert, and took away some serious gems of wisdom. So much understanding began to flood me. Here is where I first began to realise, little by little, that I do have the power to bring healing to myself and ignite that healing within others. It was scary though, I mean, my identity of being a business woman was so in tact, and kept getting stronger. My ego liked her. Where was this all coming from?
Anyway, back to the beginning of 2017, Mel was knocking on my door with her certification, and I was denying my gifts. Eventually I gained the courage to acknowledge my body’s clear reaction to wanting to be part of this first year certification. To actually be part of this small group of women, bringing new transformational tools to the world. Even though it scared me, and took a big investment financially, I jumped in. I felt there really was no other option. My body wanted it, my soul wanted it. Meanwhile, I was still creating my DoTerra business and teaching yoga.
Naturally, when you embark on a practitioners course in whole body healing, you can expect to have the biggest, most intense reckoning of your life. So, I did. Whilst creating a business and trying to earn some money to ensure I didn’t chew through my house savings, again and again I was literally knocked to my knees to experience the healing of past memories, relationships, regrets and uncomfortable realisations. All of my 'stuff', and more, was bubbling up to my transmuted. I was learning how to hold pain in a totally new way - to reframe it.
My intuition deepened significantly over the year, and whilst the concept of embodying the feminine was becoming almost a fad in the spiritual sphere, I was experiencing it deep within me, in my bones. I was experiencing the goddess within me, the femininity that was never allowed to be seen or heard. I was experiencing the pain that so many of us women do, of not having a voice. My protective mechanism was to be the masculine - to be strong, confident, fast paced, a problem solver, a get shit done kinda girl. I had one short romantic relationship within the year, but mostly I’ve had what many would think is a crazy amount of alone time. I've gone to the depths within myself, because I knew I needed to. I've gone to the core of my self.
By about May, I was still pushing to receive abundance. Pushing doesn’t work for me anymore. In May I attended DoTerra’s leadership conference, at the same time I was aiming to up level to Silver rank within the business. I arrived in Perth, moving and shaking to bump over to Silver, and the system crashed, my system crashed. I worked with my leaders to get me over the threshold (energetically they held a potent space for the rising), but it wasn’t to be. The system said no, you cannot pass. Instead, I spent the next two days, in my room, in one of my darkest moments of the year. I was learning so much within Energy and Soul Medicine, and when I really wanted to be absorbing the learnings of DoTerra leadership, I was in a deep whole being initiation. The catalyst was my pain of a past relationship where I was traumatised and emotionally abused. I was stalked by my partner of 4 years - when I wanted it to be over. Eventually he held me hostage with his life. He attempted suicide in front me, when I was about 21, and then attempted it a few more times. For whatever reason, this time in Perth, was the time for me to feel the extent of the trauma that this caused me and my loved ones. I cried, and screamed and allowed my body to process it all. Even though it was dark, there was the glimpse of understanding I was safe and supported. My true feminine began to infiltrate me. I was so raw in this time, not understanding the relationship with Doterra fully. Now, I understand the sacredness of my relationship with the collective energy that DoTerra represents, I see her as a partnership. Some people get this, some don't. DoTerra is a profound growth journey, the essential oils (aka mother earth), guide us deep within ourselves - and at this time, because I was open, she took me real deep.
In October of this year, I cracked Silver - just prior to the Taurus Full Moon. Energetically it was time to up-level for my self and my team, and it happened with mostly ease, but also a little more fire than I've allowed myself this year. That feminine essence I had connected to, invited in the divine masculine to make some shit happen - to integrate. I needed to actually believe in my worth, I needed to open to my masculine.
I needed to learn a few things before I went Silver. I needed to learn that my message and gifts cannot be diluted for any business or any status. It was when I accepted my uniqueness, that my soul business (She's Grace) flourished.
In about July, I fell into a period of deep depression (I felt safe in this space, I know every emotion is a passing state). More healing. I took myself away to the Blue Mountains and had four days, over the full moon, to cleanse and clear away the old stuff that needed breathing space. I took myself to the lookouts while the sun came up and allowed the winds to blow right through me with the moon to my right and sun to the left. Total cleansing. It felt so good. I allowed myself to stop pushing for about a month. I didn’t do anything in this time other than balance myself with my newfound healing tools. My yoga practice, in the physical sense, took a back seat. I couldn’t move like I used to, I needed to lay back and relax. I stopped teaching yoga asana in this time. I dipped more into my savings, because I needed space, and was grateful I had that money to allow my healing to be my primary focus. Although the physical slowed, I was dropping into the deeper layers of what yoga is all about - meditation, stillness, embodiment.
In August, I made the realisation that I actually desired more peace. Bondi, as beautiful as it is, wasn’t providing the peace and calm that I needed. Every time I visited my birth place and home town, to share essential oils or visit friends, there was a feeling I needed to return. How on earth does one move back to Camden, south west of Sydney, from one of the best locations in the world? After all, thats where everyone wants to be and I was there - I'de made it. Again, my body doesn’t lie, I would get big intuitive hits when I was in Camden (like body shivers, sweaty palms, beating heart), as I drove away from the city toward Camden. It was like entering a new land (out of the bubble). It started to feel really good there. There was a good period of 7 or 8 years where I couldn’t be in Camden, because of the past traumatic relationship. It was there it all went down. But I found myself feeling so peaceful around that experience, I had completely healed from it. That felt amazing.
So I returned. I set myself up in Camden, and I've been here for just over two months. In two months, everything has fallen into place. I have hosted many potent workshops on how we can access more freedom on the inside (what I refer to as Inner Freedom), with tools like emotional embodiment, essential oils and yoga. Its like all of a sudden, everything has clicked into place. My message is more clear, the She’s Grace vision more potent and available to me. I've been seeing paid clients here in Camden, with a client room set up in my home, and wow, the power of what I've been learning this year is totally coming through in my sessions. I am living out my passion and it feels so incredible. I’m meant to be in Camden at this time, to share what I've been learning with this community - back to my roots, and birth place.
Now, I've reached Silver, feeling totally aligned, and I see how DoTerra acts as another spirit guide for me and everyone I bring into my oils community. Its the right time to elevate my business, and now - my team and I are evolving and rising to Gold. From this place of depth and understanding, and expression of our uniqueness. Like the rising of the Maiden to the Mother or the Princess to the Queen. We are rising, unapologetically.
I have so much gratitude within me, at this moment, on the Taurus Full Moon, because I've been listening and acting from my vision and declaration that I shared a year ago. I've been living it out.
I share this post so that I can inspire you to realise you are receiving the signs, the symbols, the support - every single day. We all are, no matter whether we can see it or not. You have the power to realise you are a creator of your own destiny, you have gifts that desire to be expressed. Are you listening?
You may feel like this year has been the hardest, most challenging yet, but can you see the silver lining? What have you been learning? What has pain been teaching you? This moon reminds us that our soul wants us to invite more parts of her in, more soul essence (read more from Mystic Mamma). How can you do that? Notice how you truly feel, what sensations are moving through you? What physically are you feeling, what emotions are underneath the surface? What would happen if you did the opposite of what you normally do and you actually invited in the intensity and wholeness of what you feel, right now? What if you totally welcomed, accepted and embraced whatever is there? What if you laid back, on the earth, and allowed yourself to free fall into you, even if it means you must be there for hours? Trust that you will be protected to let go into the mystery. There is so much gold for you here. So much insight and understanding.
If you are looking for extra support to move through a challenging time in your life, or if you feel your intuition knocking at your door, visit my Work With Me page.
Just like when I came across Melissa Sandon’s work, you might feel triggered by this post, you might feel something knocking at you, pulling at your heart. Are you acknowledging what is there for you? Is it time for change?
You might deep down know, that your current job or responsibility, is a distraction from who you really are. You might know the relationship you are in, is no longer serving you. You might know that dream you keep dreaming, is coming to you for a reason.
Notice what is there, don’t judge it.
Perhaps this is the time for you to take a pen and paper, and write down how you truly feel, what you desire in your life, and what your soul truly wants you to express?
Whatever you feel, if you feel a shift in your energy when reading this, or a word that draws you closer to me, please acknowledge it. Maybe it means its time for you to accept your place within Doterra, to welcome in the healing of pure earth medicine? Maybe it means working with someone who gets it to accelerate your transformation? Are you allowing yourself the support you deserve, to transform?
Whatever it is, say yes to yourself today. What are you waiting for?
"...because your life is short and rare and amazing and miraculous, and you want to do really interesting things and make really interesting things while your still here. I know thats what you want because its what I want for myself too.
Its what we all want.
And you have treasures hidden within you - extraordinary treasures -- and so do I, and so does everyone around us. And bringing those treasures to light takes work and faith and focus and courage and hours of devotion, and the clock is ticking, and the world is spinning, and we simply do not have time anymore to think so small."
Elizabeth Gilbert - Big Magic