One of my biggest desires in life is to have the most romantic, beautiful, soul-filling relationships. To walk beside someone who gets me, is very, very important to me. Yet, choosing to become single five years ago was my biggest epiphany yet in really aligning to this basic human desire. It created the catalyst for everything that happened next, and got me on my path to Inner Freedom, big time!
There’s a big thing I’ve learnt about being in intimate relationship, and its pretty simple, it starts and ends with the relationship with my self, and specifically how worthy I feel for what I desire to attract. I must be overflowing in self-worth to attract the kind of relationships I really, really want. The ones where I'm not settling.
Many of us know this, but how on earth do you get there? How do you really, deep down, feel worthy enough to attract your partner or improve your current relationships?
A little story...
About 5 years ago, I decided to end my long-term relationship of three years (following back to back relationships for 7 years prior) and move out on my own, to pursue my solo journey.
Our relationship worked in many ways. It was fun, we both learnt from each other, and grew in our careers and bank accounts. He was like my prince charming when we first met, I will always be so deeply grateful for him. The truth is I was so far from loving myself, because I hadn’t healed my wounds from previous abusive relationships. I remember once feeling so unseen by my partner, walking into our bedroom and having a panic attack with him in the next room. I didn’t want him to know I was upset because I didn’t know how to communicate my needs, I couldn’t use my voice because I didn’t feel worth it, I felt small. I felt so scared, so unheard and so unsure of how to get out of the hell I had created in my head.
I would say things like “Why doesn’t he love me like I want him to love me? Why can’t he see me for me? Why can’t he just spend time with me instead of watching sports? He doesn’t love me, yep he doesn’t love me. He would rather be doing anything else but being with me. But who else will love me if I leave him, what am I supposed to do? I must deserve this if that's all Im getting?..”.
This kind of talk was on repeat, it was killing my confidence, and keeping me the victim. This led to a break down in intimacy, I had no idea who I was sexually and I just flat out froze up and locked up. I simply didn’t believe in myself, or my worth, and instead locked my heart up with huge barricades!
This went on for far too long, he had chosen me and was my protector in many ways, yet I still felt worthless. There really wasn’t much he could do to change that, because it was my inner belief system and subconscious conditioning leading the show. The more I practiced yoga, and wrote down my thoughts, the more I got the clarity that I needed to tend to me first.
On the day I decided it was time to end the relationship, it was like a lightning bolt of clarity with a force of energy behind it, that said “yep todays the day”. Just like that, we were separated and I was moving out without looking back. In hindsight, I now realise this was the epiphany, the spark of change, that led to where I am today. It led to me leaving my corporate job, getting serious about yoga and becoming a leader in energy and soul medicine.
It was all an inside job, to find my inner beauty and worth, but I needed to heal what was preventing me from seeing it first.
If I couldn’t feel, I wouldn’t heal.
I needed a place to feel what was happening inside of me, to move through the anxiety of crippling unworthiness, before I combusted into thin air, or became addicted to drugs and alcohol. I had a glimmer of light in me that knew I had big stuff to do in the world. I wasn’t willing to give up on myself that easily. Even though the negative self talk was strong, my soul spoke louder and demanded my attention.
That day, I found a local counsellor in the area, and this woman, like many women in my life, created a catalyst for huge transformation to take place. She helped me to open a door to my intimacy issues, and to move through my emotions that were blocking my truth from becoming known.
I found myself at self-development workshops on love and intimacy, meeting many more people that were going through things just like me, and the unravelling began. The truth telling and freedom feeling began to hit me so deep at my core that it activated a drive to immerse myself into self-growth, healing and transformation work. I realised I had power inside of me the whole time, and I wanted more of that!
I began loving myself, I began healing, I began creating a different state of being through feeling what was inside me and letting it pass through, until all that was left was beauty, passion, purpose and possibility. I became deeply inspired.
Most of us, including my clients, desire beautiful loving relationships as a top life priority, but what not everyone understands is unless we feel worthy of it and believe it at the deepest level, we won’t sustain it or we won’t get it at all. We won't be able to align ourselves to what we actually want.
So, here’s the thing - To feel worthy, we must heal what keeps us from this feeling.
Do you ever get those little tugs of inspiration to tend to your self-worth and self-love stuff?
What do you do with it when it comes?
Do you know how to take action when that little niggly inspiration comes and taps you on the shoulder?
We all have a choice in the moment when the light bulb flicks on, to act on the many callings of our sweet inner voice. She’s saying things like “come on, I know you can hear me, let today be the day you make a change, you are worth it I promise” or “come on, are you really not going to listen to me again, I know you know it’s time to heal your past relationship stuff, this is your chance my love!”
It took huge courage for me to actually walk towards support to work through my emotional challenges, I first needed to acknowledge I had them, it was humbling.
I am beyond grateful I stepped up, because my whole life changed the moment I made that decision. The doors flung open for me, the universe had me covered, I just needed to step forward and admit I needed to heal to live the life I dreamed of, with people in it that loved me like I loved them.
Right now, I am inviting new clients to my Inner Freedom Journeys, where we work on exactly this, and so much more.
We work together on feeling and healing across all aspects of your being, in the most gentle and magical way possible, and almost every time, it starts with your inner worth.
I call this the Inner Freedom Journey, because this work can genuinely transform your inner world at the deepest level, so that you can prepare for so much more beauty in your outer world to appear. It is a powerful, and gentle process of transformation and I am incredibly passionate about sharing this work far and wide, it’s my responsibility!
Is it time to get the support you know you deserve darling? Is it time to learn how to become worthy of the deepest, most soul fulfilling relationships ever, starting with your own?
Learn more about the Inner Freedom Journeys and lets get to working together on all that you are, on the inside.
Leave me a comment with your thoughts on this post below or by hitting reply in email, I would so love to know if this resonated for you darling!
If you have a friend that might benefit from reading this, please share it with them. I would be so grateful in you spreading the word!